Stephanie (stephy0523) wrote,

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so I can't sleep again

I cant sleep because I have a lot on my mind. Im afraid if I say some of it I'm going to hurt someone though, even though I need to get it out. I don't know anymore. Today was a horrible day....Ben's at the cape and I miss him a ton, my mom is being a bitch and i have to work EVERYDAY this week. I don't know what I'm goin to do about next year. I'm going to miss ben so much, and I have so many people telling me different things that I don't know who to believe. I never meant for this to happen.... I mean I love ben a lot, he means the world to me. I just don't want to hurt him...what if I screw up? I've never been this happy in my life and it's scary. Even though I'm happy I'm stressed and I randomly get upset over nothing and I dont know how to explain it to ben when I'm with him and suddenly I'm just upset, I've recently relapsed into a bad habbit I had awhile ago, I just don't know any more I don't feel like myself. I have to have a mini day surgery in august which Im a nervous wreck about, It's nothing serious but I'm still scared. I've realized lately that I miss my old friends, dont get my wrong I love the friends I have here but I've been talking to my old friends lately and part of my wishing I walked across the stage with them at TMHS. I dunno it's just something I've been kind of upset about lately. I'm not going to say anything more about those situations...

I'll tell you about the last couple days. I worked alot and saw ben I hung out with erin on monday and have been sitting out by the pool alot. I need to get a tan. This week I'm also working a ton...I worked sat, sun, mon, and im working tues, wed, fiday, and saturday. Then sunday Im leaving for the cape thank god and ben is coming with me for the week so I'm pretty excited about that. I still haven't gotten the letter saying who my roommate is yet, hopefully that will come soon. I went shopping for stuff for my dorm room and got a ton of stuff, its all teal and purple which totally fits my personality. Thursday hopefully I'm hanging out with erin when she comes back from maine so im excited about that as well. well im really going to try to get some sleep because I have to get up at around hopefully I can sleep since I got some stuff out....and I'm sorry if I hurt you with anything I said....


~*I am Selfish I am wrong*~
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